As I traversed the moist cobblestones on a frigid London evening in New York's LES, I got a text from the vegan to meet at his studio dungeon. I thought to myself, "I hope he doesn't see the stake I'm hiding in my trench coat or smell the garlic butter resting betwixt my buns." And I was on my way to interview a "Vegan."
Question: Why are you defying God?
Answer: I'm doing "God" a favor, saving creatures, sucking humans...biyatch
Whoawhoawhoa...we're all friends here.
I eat my friends.
Wouldn't your blood-lust inspire carnivorous nocturnal activity?
I choose to celebrate like a gentleman. Cigar, brandy, bowl of broccoli and brussel sprouts, catching a rerun of Erin Brokovich on TBS.
Hmmm...surprising. Why Brokovich?
I have a litigous libido.
Is there any actress you would like to turn into your immortal "vegan" beloved?
Lisa Kudrow and Chandler Bing. Could I beeeeeeee any more vegan? (He chuckles, satisfied with his joke.)
What do you do to occupy yourself while the Daywalkers are contributing to society?
A lot of Solitaire, reading, painting, anything I can do to stimulate myself...that's what she said.
Do you think that joke will hold up for an eternity?
There's only one way to find out, sucka!
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